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Status : Life is not about finding yourself,Life is about creating yourself^^

Story About Love


When I tell you I love you, I am not saying it out of habit, I am reminding you that you are my life.

Quotes of the year ♥

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

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i feel defeated but ....
Saturday, July 28, 2018 | 11:07 AM | 0 panda

I always find myself crying. My thoughts are so hard to catch up sometimes. I see others complain about their love life. I wish that was my problem lol. I just want to be okay mentally but sometimes I feel so defeated. Why can't my problems just be about a heartbreak instead? I just want to be okay. When is this going to stop? I just want it to stop. I feel like I don't belong here. I don't feel good enough. I'm a girl full of insecurities that's full of sadness. When will these thoughts stop? When will the word "fat" extinct? I'm tired of dealing with my insecurities and my demons. I just want a cure. I want peace inside my head. I've bottled up all these feeling for over a decade. I just want to sleep and wake up until I feel better, but how? I can't even sleep. This writing is as messy as me. I never know how to explain myself or where to start because these problems have been accumulating over time. I want to be "normal." I want to be "okay." I want to be able to ignore my demons, but how? I've tried fighting them for so long. I feel defeated but when you come into my life, I've notice that there is a big change in my life, i feel like i'm awakening..i'm getting stronger by the touch of your hands and your love towards me. Although i will still cry over stupid stuff such as jealousy and many more , its not that i'm being a cry baby but like i said, i'm a girl full of insecurities that's full of sadness. Besides of being happy, there will be more tears than being normal. I think a lot and i get worried when i'm not doing the right way in life, it's like they would still judge me for who i am and what i do. 

Because of that and the feelings that i felt, I've distanced myself from being sociable with anyone except with my close friends, family and my soulmate. it's scary.  To me , whenever i talked it would make things go bad or wrong. You can probably say that i'm having a "antelophobia" which means i have "the fear of imperfection and the fear of never being good enough." I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, but i'm telling you it's going to be worth it.

I'm so thankful that i met this guy that is now my soulmate, without him i would never know what true love really is and i would probably be trap with my insecurities and my demons. 

Also there is a lesson that life have given to me. If you want a relationship work, you should love him as you love your family, sometimes it's gonna be hard even impossible, but like with your family you need to go through that kind of moments to enjoy the good one. Relation aren't easy, and we need to remember that each one is a world apart, and only you and your partner know what is really happening between you.  There's gonna be sometimes you will need space, but that doesn't mean apart. People constantly feel that if you ask for some space in you're relationship, it mean something is going wrong. But the true is we are human and we need free time to reconnect to ourselves and that's okay. Don't fear to ask space or give space to your partner. 

The worst thing you can do is consume each other till you forget who you are as a individual.

Some people are actually afraid of being too happy because they think something tragic is going to happen soon. But thankfully that i managed to do it with the help of the ones that loved me for who i am. They never give up and they believe in me. Be patience, have courage and be kind. God knows what his doing, jut never give up in life. 

Sincerely, Safiya ♥

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